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BREAKING NEWS: Starbucks Announces Eastern Maine Store to be Located on Remote Island

by Eva Murray

Starbucks International has announced plans to open its newest Maine store in the city of Matinicus, reportedly a “quaint little fishing hamlet” located approximately 23 miles southeast of Rockland, Maine. The nearest Starbucks cafes available to the coffee-loving mid-coast consumer now are located in Brunswick and Topsham, Maine, and Ballybunnion and Dingle, Republic of Ireland, roughly equidistant to the planned new franchise.

Plans are in place to begin construction soon and to open on or about July 1st. Applications for employment are being accepted. Summer employment as a barista, starting at roughly $10.25 per hour, should have no trouble competing with the opportunities available for fisheries employment in the area, which reportedly pays a mere several hundred dollars a day. Of course, the average sternman does have to buy his own oilskins.

The exact location of the future Matinicus Starbucks was not disclosed in the press release. Sources special to this newspaper have observed that there is one site currently being cleared of trees on the island, leading area residents to speculate that the establishment will be built on the west side, behind Rankin’s stone wall, on the road to the telephone tower. “We assume the nationwide coffee hub might be expecting to garner significant daily business from the communications workers on their way to the telephone company’s Central Office and tower complex.” However, spokespersons for Starbucks have insisted that the plan is to build near the ferry wharf to take advantage of the stunning water view, the harbor business district, and the heavy influx of summer tourism.

Matinicus does typically see at least 30 or 40 tourists each summer, according to published data.

Representatives of the corporation indicated some consternation as to the mechanisms required to deliver building materials and inventory for the construction. “What do you mean, we can’t get a truck on the ferry because there’s already trash and propane? What do you mean, the next ferry isn’t for three weeks? What do you mean, bush pilot?”

Starbucks specializes in catering to the coffee-lover on the run, particularly the hip, young professional headed to work, and those who like to meet friends or linger over their computers nursing a steaming cappuccino. Store hours for the new franchise have yet to be announced but it is generally known that during the summer, the typical Matinicus coffee drinkers on their way to work are lobster fishermen who prefer their morning joe at roughly 3:30 a.m. This may present a small quandary if Starbucks’ Corporate Human Resources Department considers such early hours of operation “overtime.” It is also unclear whether a lobsterman at 3:30 a.m. is generally considered “hip.”

It is known that the telephone company’s island-based technical staff is not hip.

Favorite beverages made famous by the Seattle-based coffee juggernaut include Teavana Shaken Iced White Tea and a Vente Caramel Macchiato with hazelnut syrup. It is not known whether the Matinicus branch will carry the complete line of Starbucks offerings right away, including the Chonga Bagel and those Bacon and Gruyere Sous Vide Egg Bites, but rumor around the island is that many people hope to order “a cup of coffee not made with rusty water.”

There are at present zero coffee shops, restaurants, or cafes on Matinicus Island.

Comments from representatives of well-respected regional nonprofits concerned with the health and economic sustainability of island communities indicate a high degree of support for the initiative. “It’s one thing to do without law enforcement, reliable cell phone service, round-the-clock access to health care, high school, TV reception, a gas station, or a grocery store, but it is an extreme hardship to ask young working people to go without a professionally-crafted latte.”

Calls from this reporter to corporate headquarters inquiring how they intend to get a reliable supply of fresh milk to the offshore location, when the residents have been unable to solve that problem for the past 30 years, were not returned in time.

When asked why the iconic coffee purveyor did not choose to locate in a larger and busier mid-coast city such as Rockland, Starbucks representatives indicated concern about their company’s ability to compete with well-established local cafes and coffee roasters already located in that municipality.

“We have Cake Pops,” admitted a company spokesman, “but they have meatloaf sandwiches. And everybody has soy latte.”

*Thanks for the indulgence of the company named, perhaps, for a character in Moby Dick. Please don’t send this newspaper a cease and desist; I mean no harm. Also, I love Seattle.

Eva Murray is the Recycling and Solid Waste Coordinator for Matinicus Island. Eva’s last lobster license was dated 1990, the year her son was born, and cost $53.00, which at the time she thought was an awful lot of money.