Capt. Mark East’s Advice to the Careworn, Confused, Lovelorn and Other Outdoor People



Dear Capt. Mark,
It’s bird hunting season again and as usual my husband will be away every chance he gets with our dog and chasing partridge and woodcock. When November gets here he’ll bring home a deer. I have to cook all this stuff and I really don’t like to cook or eat it. Do you have any suggestions?
Signed,
Hate to cook wildlife

Dear Hate to cook wildlife,
My wife used to be the same way until we made a deal. I’d continue to go to her favorite restaurant.. Chinese.. which I dreaded, if she’d continue to cook the game I bring home. Then I learned a few recipes and now she eats there and I have my hunting buddies in. We even put the dishes in the dishwasher.

Dear Capt. Marcus,
My plans are to do some wild pig and boar hunting in Florida this winter. I’ve not done a lot of hunting but this is done from a tree stand over bait. My wife is really giving me the old what-for because I do have a bit of a balance problem being 86 years old and all that. I want to do my part before these pigs overrun the countryside.
Signed,
Seeking advice

Dear Seeking Advice,
She’s right. Stay home. However, I imagine you’re pretty stubborn along with the balance situation, so bring along a good stout bungee cord and hook yourself into the tree stand. Just remember not to lean too far forward when you shoot.

Write: capmarke@gmail.com