Capt. Mark East’s Advice to the Careworn, Confused, Lovelorn and Other Outdoor People

Dear Capt. Mark,
My husband used to build wooden boats. We never had any money. He went to building fiberglass boats and we still don't have any money.
Signed, Hot Dogs and Mustard

Dear Hot Dogs and Mustard,
Have you ever tried salt cod and potatoes? Much better for you than Hot Dogs. Boatbuilders are a masochistic lot. It’s in their blood. How many times has he used the excuse after settling up, “Well, we paid for (or made a payment on) the tools.” Then he goes back and loses on the next boat. If you love him you'd better find a good job to support him. I'll bet you have some nice boat pictures!!!
Capt. Mark East

Dear Capt. East,
I let my best girl borrow my new 23' Grady-White with twin 300 E-Tech Evinrudes. She took her girlfriends waterskiing and ran aground. She called me on her cell phone to let me know where it was as she was coming back to the marina with the Patrol Wardens. I've never seen her since and she won}t return my calls. I did get my damaged boat back.
Signed, Beside Myself

Dear Beside Himself,
I’d check to see if the Patrol Wardens know anything. Other- wise you might want to call your next-best girl friend and encourage her to take the Coast Guard Auxiliary Boating course if you’re planning to let this happen again. Condolences on the boat.
Signed, Capt. Mark East

Write: capmarke@gmail.com